where the wind will take you…

13 10 2002

somewhere between a tolkien-esque royal crown and a tree of living silver is the imagery i’m looking for, to represent the object, but the thing itself is just a thing…
one beautiful, of course, and very, very heavy.
as crowns should be, with all of the responsibility they carry. as trees, with all the life and love and knowledge born.
they’re good analogies to this:
i said yes because i mean it; it’s the right answer.  or at least i think it is; it is for all i know, and all i know is all i have, etc.
and now, the thing is, i’m afraid to tell… and i’m not sure what i’m hiding from. the memories of those who’ve watched the playing-out of all my past mistakes? the criticisms from those who’d never bracket-off their worlds this way? it isn’t wrong, i’m sure, having failed at a thing to try that thing again, especially with better odds and a greater understanding. i’m sure there will be those i’m disappointing, by taking this road: i never wanted to be traditional, conventional, locked-in or confined.
if i make my own dang logical and simple plans about the celebration, i can dodge the first two labels–especially if i subsequently avoid getting into fights about checkbooks and grocery shopping and who does the dishes.
as for the other two, i oscillate in being sure of what i think they mean. there’s a line in an ig song i always cling to when i weigh these things in open hands–and i suppose by being here now i’m offering a testimony to believing it: “the closer i’m bound in love to you, the closer i am to free.” of course it’s a sentiment you’d expect from “the power of two,” but at least the song has wonderful math-references to save itself from drippiness.
i wonder, of course, what i’m getting into, but we, all of us, wonder that every day of our lives; more pertinent in my concerns is what i’m going to pay for it. will those who think me free-spirited and pure turn away from me for making this committment? will all the feminists hiss and spit at me if i change my name? it’s just my father’s, after all; i never liked it anyway.
late may or early june.
myf and r3, once i have a date for sure, i’ll be calling you.
and in case my pensive tone concerns everyone, it’s not yet 7 in the morning on a sunday, it’s still dark here; the mood is rather chosen for me but i AM delighted. when he asked i was all giggles and sunshine and he couldn’t stop shaking and it was perfect.
i never figured me for diamonds.
wish me love, and luck, and please don’t leave me for the cloak i don… i too have known those who say “i do” and immediately thereafter become unrecognizeable, but it’s not going to happen with me. i don’t need to promise. i can’t be any other than myself, and when THAT’S what drives folk off, good riddance anyway.
i love you guys.




12 responses

13 10 2002

I figured you for diamonds. Nothing less precious/beautiful can even think of expressing a trillionth of what you deserve. No worry – you are always who you are no matter where the world takes you.
I love you beautiful one.

14 10 2002

Woo Hoo!!!!! Congrats!!!
*Bows Deeply*
To you my dear,
May every diamond in the sky represent a moment of happiness the two of you will share…..
All my love to both of you.

15 10 2002

you know how hard it can be for me to find the right words…
hopefully you Know what i wish i could express as eloquently as you always seem to….
i Love you–and i Couldnt be Happier for you–
and wouldnt Dream of being anything but Supportive in whatever you Choose with your heart.
you Are a diamond. perhaps thats why you never really felt you needed to have one–its sorta redundant.
but, as meg says–it is the Least of what you deserve–and im Sure its Beautiful and Perfect–he’s cool like that ;}
let me know when i can do Anything at all to help…
i Love you, dearest.
what a Wonderful, Wonderful Blessing that the two of you have Found each other. my heart soars for you.
-your brightwing

15 10 2002

help nothing.
i want you standing up there beside me.
if you’re willing to be stared at and participatory in the sometimes questionable institution, that is…
i want you and megan.
my beautiful winged divas. with you by my side it’ll have to be right.

15 10 2002

i would be Absolutely Honored.
but you Do know im going to cry? ;}
(in fact, just you asking me brought tears to my eyes….)
Love you, girl.
and i still want to help in any way i can, so let me know…

17 10 2002

wait a second.. you didn’t say anything about winged bridesmaid costumes…..

um.. can they be BLUE??? (hee hee!)

17 10 2002

Re: wings
yes, you may wear blue.
and wings, for that matter, if you’d really like to. 🙂
love you!

17 10 2002

Re: wings
but what should *i* wear? this *is* all about me isnt it? ;}
(PLEASE tell me you know im kidding…)

17 10 2002

Re: wings
*you* should wear what’s beautiful on *you*.
which, again, might well include wings. 🙂
seriously, what i want is for both of you to wear something that makes you feel beautiful. it would be better for pictures if you do something stylistically similar… both of you wear something long, for example… you have a while to decide! but i’m not even intending to dictate color… just be darling. not like you can help it. 🙂

15 10 2002

R o U S!!!
‘Morning dear,
Apologies for taking so long to write this and celebrate your joy . . . but you neglected to tell me when we were standing next to each other Sunday morning . . . and I didn’t leave B-burg till midnight that day – no net access till now . . .
Anywho, I do celebrate with you. Both of you are wonderful people as has been said. And despite my own fear/incomprehension of the institution . . . as you know I have had my own thoughts along the same line, and will not deem you less because of it. Who you are is separate from the associations I have with what you do.
Blessing unto thee, but I need to go back to work . . .

15 10 2002

Re: R o U S!!!
i wanted to talk to you then about you then. not brag about me. and anyway you were exceedingly loopy at the time.
but that’s my excuse for the neglect, anyway.
thank you for the love and blessings! i think it’s a sucky institution most of the time too. and yet somehow this seems to make sense to me. guess i’ll have the rest of my danged life to figure it out. 🙂
you’re awesome.

15 10 2002

Re: R o U S!!!
*just grins from joy at friendship in the virtual cosmos*

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