netiquette, kind of

14 06 2004

if you were starting to believe i wasn’t a brat, don’t read this [a post obviously written when I had, used, and lived via the medium of livejournal–back in the days of Friendster, before even MySpace, let alone Facebook…]:

it has recently come to my attention that a couple of people whom i was rather hoping to pass the rest of my days without ever encountering again have recently acquired livejournals. and i hate that.

now, before anybody jumps my shit about wanting to hog the cool-factor of lj and be in a private club and be all exclusionary, i recognize that as a legitimate implication of what i’ve said, and it’s regrettable. okay, i even regret it. i’m sorry that i wish for certain people not to be able to play in the sandbox. it’s rude. if they had their own sandboxes, i wouldn’t want to keep them out, but i don’t like them, and they don’t like me, and so i don’t want them in mine.

i don’t want them reading the things i write. and yes, i know, i can friends-only the things i really don’t want them to read. i’ve already done that. see? and yes, i know i could friends-only my entire journal, but i don’t want to. i like being able to tell other people to check out something i’ve written, or tell my mom where some poems are, without making them sign up for membership. i like the idea that people can randomly find me by interest-searches if they want to. i like sharing w/strangers just fine. i don’t want to share w/enemies. and yes, i know it’s bad to have enemies. believe me, i did not appoint them to the position. it was entirely a volunteer operation.

to be fair, i do, on occasion, myself, read the blog of someone who would really prefer i didn’t, if he/she knew about it. and that’s not entirely friendly of me, i suppose, especially if i’m going to be wishing people out of my sandbox. to my credit, however, it’s a joint blog, and i was invited to read it by the other owner/operator. moreover, it’s not really about personal reflection so much as it’s an account of the cute things the bloggers’ kids do plus some periodic rants about public schools and the government, so it’s not like i’m finding out anything intimate about the writer who’d rather i wasn’t a reader. and i never comment, because i’m not rude like that, and don’t want the person who wouldn’t want me there to have to think about me or be disgruntled about being read or whatever. this impulse to keep my mouth shut is not one i think i can count on from others, however, b/c i already have a problem with one person on lj with whom i share a regrettable acquaintance making comments i don’t appreciate in answer to things i say in the journal of a mutual friend. more of that shit i can so completely do without.

and that’s the biggest part (i’m really not a megalomaniac): i don’t want to read the things they write. and while i can choose not to read their journals (that’s not difficult), there’s nothing i can do about the fact that, since we share friends, i’m going to on occasion encounter things they’ve written in my friends’ journals. and sometimes i’m going to want to agree with them, or tell them that they’re full of shit, and i’m going to have to hold my tongue. sometimes they might even comment back to things i say, and then i’m going to have to behave really well. i don’t really mind the holding-my-tongue part, and i hope they’re content to hold their own when i say things to their friends they don’t agree with, but i do mind having to see their names in the first place, having to be reminded that they exist on a much more regular basis than i used to have to remember. i mind thinking about them. i mind having a space that was mine to share with people i liked sharing it with invaded by dark thoughts and feelings, by the ick of remembering things i didn’t need to think about, by the dim but not too dim, based on my past experience with these particular individuals, possibility that they’ll actually be civil and friendly and i’ll get dragged into yet another cycle of believing that maybe they’re not really shitheads and they kinda like me, until the next time they randomly flip the table over and send me hate-mail again. i didn’t want to go there again. i don’t want to go anywhere near them ever again. and that’s as true in my online life as it is in my “real” one.

the worst part is knowing that some of the people who might read this will have disregarded the warning at the beginning and will be all pissed at me now, for “not letting it go” or whatever. for daring to be injured and not forgiving, for being wary of being hurt again, for being defensive about this little pixelated sandbox that i’ve gotten all fond of and don’t want anybody piddling in. so if that’s you, and you think i’m a shit, i’m sorry. genuinely. because i care too much about what people think of me, and don’t want to be thought of that way. but i’m upset, and thinking out loud, and if i can’t think about these things in this forum without worrying about being dissed for it, the sandbox is already piddled-in and stinky-muddy.

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14 responses

14 06 2004
reedrover

Hunh. I’m more sympathetic to your thought process than I should be. I want the universe to organize itself to my liking, darnit.

14 06 2004
tyra

i shouldn’t be either, probably. but it’s a little late for me to pretend i’m NOT a brat, at least to this crowd.
when i’m good, i’m very very good. and when i’m bad… >sigh< well, there's only so much sweetness and decorum anyone can expect from a red-headed irish/texan.

14 06 2004
cheshirrrecat

Re: Love.
as one of the closest people (i think) to this discussion…
first, you have every Right to feel how youre feeling, and think what youre thinking, and say what youre saying. anyone wants to take issue with that, they go through me.
second, that was my first thought, too, when i heard. what the ramifications/effects would be on you. then, i realized that Life was too short and the world too Real for walking on eggshells for anyone, or spending any time or energy or thought on any of this stupid mess.
Be You. Talk as you did before. comment as you did before. your thoughts are YOUR thoughts and your journal is YOUR journal. write in it what YOU want to. the reader has the responsibility to remember that it is YOURS. for those things that are too private, there is always arizona. perhaps nothing will come of it. if something does, cross that bridge when you get to it. Life is too short to spend energy holding doors closed, even in your head. forget that the sandbox has limits–and you may not even notice or remember there are other people playing. and if you see them, and they you, there doesnt have to be a war. perhaps we’re beyond the fight. perhaps at this point, theres enough Real in our lives to move beyond.
if that is not the case, and people feel the need to be petty, that can be addressed and steps can be taken. and you will not be alone.
for now, perhaps just continue on as you did. Live YOUR Life, for You, the way you want to live it–regardless of who is or is not watching. this is YOUR Life.
i Love you, grrl.

14 06 2004
tyra

Re: Love.
thanks, sugar.
you’re a doll.
and i do know i’m being a baby, but i really appreciate being validated in my baby-ness just once in a while. i won’t do it often, i swear. it’s just been bugging me for the past few days, and i decided i’d rather rant–and argue about it if i really had to, in case anyone wanted to insist–and get it over with and then (cross your fingers w/me) move on instead of stewing about it any longer.
why do we say “stewing” instead of “steeping”? i always see tea and the water’s color getting darker and darker and darker when i think about stewing over things. ::ponder ponder::

14 06 2004
cheshirrrecat

Re: Love.
Anytime, Love.
youre not being a baby–youre being human. and one thats been burned before, so youre wary.
im all for moving on. and im right here beside you.
i think we say stewing when there’s active processing involved–sort of like the bubbling of boiling stew. more furious. more … active. steeping, to me, implies more just sitting. staying in one place. getting more intense by lack of movement/processing. at least, thats how i see it.
*kiss*

14 06 2004
tyra

Re: Love.
hmm.
that’s very logical. boiling and fury and processing. i think i’m hung up on the potential for bitterness–there’s a certain amount of thinking/doing/processing that’s the RIGHT amount of steeping, and after that you have something terribly bitter and no fun to swallow instead, and your tea’s ruined.
of course, being the talented sort who can burn canned soup on the stove, i can also vouch for the necessity of the proper amount of stewing.
maybe i just think about tea b/c i like it better. “stew” is usually beefy and reminds me of those commercials with the brawny man in flannel eating meat-and-potato chunks out of his soup-bowl with a fork. blech. πŸ™‚

15 06 2004
cheshirrrecat

only you
would even be having this discussion.
*kiss*
you Rock.

14 06 2004
cwalters

Lots ‘o Love
You are, by no means, being a baby; it is in the nature of (wo)man to feel the need to protect and nurture themselves and those close to them. I have had similar feelings recently as she (you know who I’m talking ’bout) has taken to reading my LJ entries. Grrrr!!! Do I just set the whole damn thing to private as the result of one estranged person from the past? No, no… My life, my dreams, and my life force will not be squelched by one such as that. I will continue to post as much, or perhaps even more than ever as my fire burns ever brighter. I cannot tell you how to live, but this it the choice that I am making. May you do well in your path.
Love & Bright Blessings Always,
Chris “the Conjurer” πŸ˜‰

14 06 2004
tyra

Re: Lots ‘o Love
thanks, honey. lots & lots & lots.
*HUG*
hmm. (& you told her where it was why?) maybe i should start posting all sorts of lascivious comments to your posts to give her something to REALY be entertained by! >sigh< i really AM a b*tch sometimes, aren't i?
πŸ™‚

14 06 2004
susanmarie

Let me just say this: small world.

14 06 2004
bluemeg

sandcastle!
I can’t think of much to say about this that hasn’t been said already. eespecially the bex stuff…
but i did want to comment. you’re not a brat in a bad way that i would dislike. πŸ™‚
*hugs*

15 06 2004
julesk

If you’re a brat then so am I
I feel the same way you do. But then, I am a brat too. Must be the Irish in me. Or the life experience of being burned.

15 06 2004
tyra

Re: If you’re a brat then so am I
we’ve always known a little bitchiness loves company. thanks! πŸ™‚ hey, are you guys coming down to otp this year so we can be in company in real time?

15 06 2004
wahyagar

Re: If you’re a brat then so am I
Wild horses couldn’t drag us away πŸ™‚
Will have to figure out of if the command works……
–Me

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