15 07 2004

today, i was very happy with my feet.
and it seemed such a happy little thing to be that i thought i’d share. here’s why i like them: without using up any natural resources, or needing time & cursing-at to start, or costing much money (they’re fond of shoes on lumpy roads, but don’t mind the wal-mart kind at all), my feet merrily & w/spring to share carry me to the library to drop off read & wallowed-in fiction, to the post-box & a chat with our friendly mailman, to the starbucks where the nice barrista ground the beans our friend kat gave us (b/c the only thing better than starbucks coffee is FREE starbucks coffee!), to the post-office where i got lovely egret stamps instead of any of the flaggy ones that needle at me, to the office for a meeting and some office-computer argumentation, & then back home to my beautiful house again. without a complaint, without even needing a snack or to stop the car or to settle and argument… they’re so wonderful. so, thanks, feet. 🙂

and also i like my feet b/c they have a reputation, despite being so pale that they’re positively see-through (goths everywhere envy the pallor of my feet) & so a nice blueish shade of vein (yes, hi, “rocket-pop”), for being cute. and cute feet get footrubs. and footrubs are good for the whole tyra. so, again, thanks, feet. 🙂

i got a letter yesterday from an old friend who would once have really appreciated this post about feet. she probably would have written back all about HER feet, and much more poetically, b/c her feet have done many more interesting things & been to many more interesting places… i do love my dancers & world-travelers! i put that in the past-tense, though, b/c i’m not sure she’d still do it. i mean, i hope she would. i hope her enthusiasm for everything under the sun, which used to bubble over in ways that quite alarmed the normal people, and often, is as wild as ever and that she was just in a subdued mood when she wrote the letter. b/c it was just such a… neutral letter. here’s where i am (physically), what i’m doing, & a few simple thoughts on the matter at hand. all but 1 or 2 lines of it could have been written by anybody. & maybe the one i wrote her first was just as boring, so it’s all my fault really. & maybe it’s just an off-day. but what creeped me out about it was that i’d asked her (in turn, b/c she’d asked me) what it was like being married, & she’d commented on how the worst part (i’ve found this too, & i HATE it) is how single people–especially single women–treat you differently & are really hard to get to know, b/c it’s like you’ve gone off into some other world of identity or something & they can only know you as a representative for your couple. & even as i was reading this, and agreeing with her, i was seeing her doing it, being off somewhere, sending a representative update of her new couple-life… she sounded like somebody who’d gone off & gotten all married. she sounded like somebody’s wife, not just like herself talking. and if it happens to her–even her, her of ALL people, then how stubbornly blind am i being to think that it doesn’t/can’t/won’t/didn’t already happen to me? do i sound like that when i talk to people? am i off-putting in my couple-ness? am i impossible to talk to or to get to know for single-people? (not that i’d have many evaluators, as since i’ve gotten here very few people at all–and even fewer single ones–have put any effort at all into the getting-to-know-ing…)

you know, i don’t think feet are any less likeable–or approachable–for coming in pairs. any more than i think i’ve become such a part of a pair that i don’t have my own voice anymore. but i couldn’t hear her voice anymore. & maybe, just the same, she can’t hear mine.




3 responses

15 07 2004

Hunh. Wow. I don’t know what to say. I knew you before so you are a complete individual in my mind, with maybe a hypen if I’m thinking about something couple-y like your house. But still, it’s T’s books, and T’s friends, not a joined tyrataepcat single entity.
Happily, the crowd I hang with here all consider each other individuals, and are rather open and accepting. Invitations are allowed to be “would you like to come for girl’s night (so don’t bring hubby)?” And acceptances to couple-invitations are allowed to be “Hubby isn’t feeling like being social, but I want to go out, so I’ll be there at 8.”

15 07 2004

well, as you know when you came down here, this question of coupledom is one that i’ve been grapling with for awhile. and i wouldn’t even just say that there’s a difference between marrieds and singletons, but rather just couples and singletons; i don’t think marriage necessarily is the key. instead, i think that some people just simply lose their identities when they are in a relationship; suddenly what they used to enjoy they no longer do, and they often become just an extension of their significant other. and, unfortunately, i tend to see this a lot more in females than males. i wish this wasn’t so, but it does seem so common.
however, i think that you do a wonderful job of being yourself. you are always just “tyra” to me, not tyraty. i know that if i want to just hang out with you, i can, but i also know that i also have a friend in ty, too, though i did know both of you separately before you were together.
if you find a solution, hon, to any of this, please do share. what bothers me about it all is that i lose respect for friends who become so wrapped up in their relationships and lose themselves; i really don’t want to lose respect for them, but it’s something i can’t help. i just would very much like everyone to stay individuals, no matter what their marital/dating status is.

18 07 2004

I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic and I thought I would share a few thoughts. And of course all of my thoughts are ultra-Romantic and Ideal, but here they are just the same.
The thing is, we don’t operate in our individuality or our relationships inside a vacuum. The people we choose to have in our lives affect us in different ways and to a certain extent our voices change because of their voices. And this goes for all the people in our lives. And when I look for a partner I’m looking for someone who I can feel affects my life in a *positive* way. Who nurtures and supports my individuality always, but who through my interactions with that person I can see the world differently and feel that as I grow I am growing with that person in positive ways. Bob and I are not the same people we were when we met three years ago and it’s hard to say just how we have shaped each others’ voices, but I know that he sees the world differently because of my influence (and the same is true with me). Like I said, this an overly ideal picture because there are the people who lose all sight of those around them once they are in a relationship and that does suck. But I think that we shouldn’t feel that we are losing our identity because of who we are with. Life is about learning about who you are, and that is never a static thing, and it will be affected by those around you. One thing we can hope is that we have friends who are supportive and accepting of who we are and the people we bring into our lives.

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