& while we’re here

16 07 2004

(don’t even answer this.  well, you CAN.  but there’s no fscking point, is there?)

why the HELL does she have to try so hard to love the ones who’ll only swallow it, who’ll only make whatever she gives disappear until she’s bled dry enough to shrivel up & blow away?  the deserving are out there.  there are people to feed, to love, to nourish, people with growing left in them.  what’s the fscking point of watering dead plants?

there.  i don’t feel the slightest bit better about that, but at least i didn’t have to freak my neighbors out by screaming out the fscking window.

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7 responses

16 07 2004
rumhann

*hugs*

16 07 2004
tyra

thank you.
::mutter, mutter, mutter::
actually, i’m now waiting for the anvil to drop. b/c i wasn’t quite as done as i thought i was, when i posted that, and i e-mailed him. i’m a very, very bad person, sean. just in case you didn’t know.
& what i’m afraid of, of course, is that *i* cut the string, & it’ll fall on *her*.
fuck.

16 07 2004
rumhann

Oblivious . . .
that is of course, what I am.
who/what is the current crap about?
-> and: much like my involvement / direct damage to persons I’ve never met- what is it you think you’ve done to whom?
SM

16 07 2004
tyra

Re: Oblivious . . .
so, yeah. it was like you figured. and i’ve heard nothing back from either of them since i did it, so either nobody noticed, or they’re over it, or i’m dead meat & just don’t know it yet, or they’ve tried to kill each other instead & it’s all my fault.
she hasn’t called, so i don’t think she’s on her way up here, but now that i’ve taken such a poorly thought-out action, that could be for either reason.
>sigh<
short version? he went all psycho on her, & i got pissed at him for doing it. as politely as possible. & apologized for doing it, but did it anyway. the “wtf is going on over there” part probably won’t get me in trouble. the “don’t go breaking something beautiful cuz there ain’t enough of that in the world already” part just might.
anybody needs me, i’ll be building a bomb-shelter, & pushing everyone else in down the stairs before me.
the last thing she said b4 i told her was “i trust you implicitly.”
wonder when i’ll know if she regrets it.

21 07 2004
tyra

Re: Oblivious . . .
woo-hoo!
twig wrote me back thoughtfully & politely & DIDN’T flame me like i deserved to have him do. which, while it probably wasn’t his specific intention, has done wonders for my impression of him.
AND he hasn’t done anything else to her to make me want to hit him in the past few days, which has also helped.
while i never learn, & apparently can’t be taught, b/c plenty of people have tried, to keep my fscking mouth shut, at least ONCE in a while it doesn’t all go terribly wrong…

21 07 2004
rumhann

Good to hear
or so I imagine
:]
so, you’ve got an “fscking mouth” ? um . . . why would I want you to keep that shut?!?
Sorry, bit out of it atm . . .
Monday = Work, home, clean room, pack for CPC, leave for CPC at 11:15 pm
Tuesday = arrive at CPC at 1:30 am, visit Sweat site, find Sweat cabin, crash at 2:30ish / alarm at 7:15 to get to site and tend fire for 10 sweat, get up at 8:30, rush to stie to find I’m not scheduled till 1:30, play with schedule so I work morning and can get back to Rockville for class at 6, leave site at 1:45ish, get ‘breakfast’, read a bit of homework, take 20 minute nap, shower, leave CPC at 3:45, get home at 5, get ‘lunch’, go to class, get home at 8:50, head out to Home Depot to price cordless drills for work, go to Food Lion for tomato & cheese, go home get ‘dinner’ at 10:45, got to bed 11:30ish?
Wednesday = alarm at 6:15, wake at 7:30, skip shower, get dressed, get annoyed at Nextel store for opening at 8 but not having technician till 9 – so they won’t take my phone to work on, leave car at Aamco at 8:15, walk to Metro, get to work by 9 ->
I’m the only IT person on site today, we’ve got a all staff meeting this afternoon, will have to leave here at 5, get my car back and get to class by 6, get home close to nine again
Thursday = internship at 9, class at 6
Friday = work then private client, then locate stuff for Saturday
Saturday = drive to work by 8:30, get to ‘s, drive to DE, participate (and socialize if yu have anytihng to say about it), drive back to DC, drive to Centreville VA, crash
Sunday = wake and replace O2 sensor on car
I’m also supposed to read 6 chapters, start researching a group project on Brigid, start research on Prometheus paper, write 3 ‘reading responses’ to homework chapters, spend time with , do some house chores, continue flushing out my tatoo designs so I can scan & send them to the artist in Frederick to review,
oiy, feels like I’m forgetting something again . . . oh yeah, my WADG training -> duh
SM

21 07 2004
tyra

to the “forgetting something” list
please add “breathe.” often. preferably between each & every list-item. 🙂
& i hope yesterday’s trip gained you more than just experience-points for further mastery of logistical near-impossibilities, even if you won’t have the “reflection-in-tranquility” moments to notice it for a while yet…
as for my mouth, would you kindly stop giving me ideas that only make my attempts to live a quiet, normal, not-crowded w/that inappropriate imagery of you i keep not actually complaining about life more difficult? i’m laughing as i protest, you know. & the ever-philosophical mp3 player gives us REM’s “star me kitten,” which, if you don’t know the album, is a cover-title to keep them out of trouble. when he sings it, the word he spells s-t-a-r is pronounced “fuck.”

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