i talk about getting back to places that are better than “here,” about reaching out for things different from the syracuse/now reality, but i do sometimes wonder if i’ve moved at all in the last 12 years, and if anything has really changed at all.
i’ve got 2 aim windows open right now. in one of them, ranagar and i are having a too-heated debate on what’s probably a minor semantical point but which our conversational styles have twisted into seeming like it’s fundamental and so we’re hurting one another. still. & know we’ll work it out eventually, forgive each other, & do it again another day. in the other, i’m following cael into a new religion, at least as culpable as he in the interaction, debating all the way, laughing at the way he plays with words, wanting to believe everything that comes out of his mouth.
i guess it’s a LITTLE different: THEN i’d have done both things face-to-face instead. but at least i wouldn’t have been trying to do them simultaneously!
& yes, i know i chose this. i choose this. every time. thanks for being patient, & catching me when it catches up & pushes me over. every time.
that rare, random descent 