4 things (for swm)

22 11 2004

i’ve left three messages, but heard nary a word. i’ll try again. in the meantime, don’t think i’ve abandoned the project, and take heart: you’re not the only one whose contributions/counter-actions aren’t welcome right now.
Edit: found her. talked for a while. she posted optimism you can see, & she’s as okay as she’s going to be in that fscked up place w/those psycho people. i want more for her too, but i have to trust her to be doing what she’s doing for reasons that are right somehow. even if it looks crazy. i can’t love her & not give her that trust, you know?

gothling has poor timing. i wasn’t done thumping you yet.

this song’s for you. (and (don’t tell) the andrew & laurie poem too)

that religion-quiz going around says i’m 92% neo-pagan (wtf is that supposed to be, some mix of traditional earth-love & matrix references?)–my graduation year, so it must be lucky, right? & 100% some buddhism i can’t pronounce or spell. also high up: UU like the minister who married me, a different buddhist strand, new age, liberal quaker, & “liberal to mainline christian protestant,” which sounds way too much like an avenue for getting into drugs. does this place have a trailmap?




5 responses

22 11 2004

yeah ., . . I saw the upswing post, also that she not only removed my previous reply and the option to give them, but has since filtered me out of seeing that post entirely *sniffle*
there is a differrnce between giving her that trust, and knowing that I’m never going to be integral to her life again, no matter how much of a healthy emotional/mindset she gets
Um, that was the triplets showing up, with parent’s in tow from the baltimore aquarium trip they had been on all day
thank you love =;-}
I’m assuming you realize that the core systems of all religions are the same – golden rule, supreme benificnet being, etc – what people do with their system is what gets screwed up . . . therefore, being a significant prportional aspect of so many is actually (imho) a sign of trnacendance beyond the dogma of each sytem to it’s core values
& for writing part of what down?

22 11 2004

she took it down, egomaniac. blow your nose.
yes, there is. or, rather: difference between those things is irrelevant. you have to do/deal with both independently. trust & love her however you can. be seen & known however she can–that’s the part where you have to accept externally imposed limitations & do the tongue-biting part. but NOT the eye-gouging. i mean it.
i heard “little one” in the singular, not the plural. sorry.
you’re welcome. 🙂 *hug*
in theory, yes. & that part i’m really thankful for understanding. in practice, though, people want names–and USE them to understand each others’ theory. & so if i can’t identify with specifics that others will recognize, i look like i don’t have any interest in/concern with/affinity for the core–not an impression i want to give. so i’m flattered by the accusation of transcendence (::blushes::), but still frustrated in the daily realities of having to communicate with others in a non-gestault too-label-happy spirituality-o-sphere.
part of that whole vibe thing where you love me & i’m just supposed to know that i DO in strong moments & can’t always stay tapped into in the weak ones. & i do know that more of your thoughts on some of the questions i’ve raised ARE written down, but they’re all in your hands where i can’t see them. the shiny gems you post or e-mail me i can go back to whenever i waver.

22 11 2004

yep . . . I am an egomaniac . . . => her calendar says there’s soemthing still posted on that day, I just can’t see it no more, that’s why I thought that.

23 11 2004

AND a stalker. jesus.
that sounds like the kinda shit i pull when i’m left alone to webcrawl. & invariably i find out things i don’t want to know, or worse, that i interpret as things i don’t want to know, but can’t even ask about, & then they’re extra burdens for me to go carrying around.
stupid. stop being like me in the dumb ways.

23 11 2004

(injustice, relocated)
b/c you go fishing like that, throwing those lines to which any self-respecting nice person, especially adoring friend, especially woman you know has the hots for you would have to counter… but you do it in a place–my own page, no less–where the behaving-well-in-order-to-not-upset-the-boy me can’t say a damn thing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: