fire-fu, the absence thereof

11 12 2006

while i’m listing inadequacies, here’s today’s fireplace update, for all you helpful og-make-fire types with the wonderful ideas: i’m hoping this is a launch problem rather than a design problem, because from what i know about thermodynamics everything y’all said sounded brilliant. armed with your wisdom, i gathered my sticks and my paper and my (roommate’s) hairdryer, cracked the door open (no windows that open in the room), made a paper torch as best i could figure out how to do, hairdryered up the open-flue’d chimney for a while, burned the torch up the chimney for a while to let it practice, you know, working, & then lit the rest of the supplies. made a nice, charming, crackly, warm little fire. and flooded the house with smoke. again. i eventually (read “in about 3 minutes”) had to poke it apart & douse the pieces before we ran completely out of oxygen.

we’re studying on the ground now so we can breathe in here. smoke is everywhere. doors are open. humans are freezing. cats are alarmed, or furious, or just apalled at my incredible stupidity. “if only we had thumbs,” they are thinking. or maybe “just turn on the fscking electric blanket already & quit with the stinky stuff!”

but the love, even in the craziness, i’m feeling it. i got on IM to whinge, because that’s what i do, & was reminded why all disasters are made better by being friends with charmers:
tyratae: 1:11 PM 😦 i am a failure as a firemaker.­
l_stboy: 1:13 PM sometimes you just need some accelerant
1:13 PM try blowing kisses

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3 responses

11 12 2006
burny_md

You’re not a failure at making fire, you’re an expert at making smoke! 🙂
Yes, the glass IS always half full. 😉
Also, maybe its not your techniques at all, maybe its the materials you’re using. Is the wood at room temperature when you start the fire, is it dry, maybe try one of those fake logs that you just stick in the fire and light the paper its packaged in.

11 12 2006
pictsy


Maybe you ought to hire a different chimney maintenance person to come check this out.

12 12 2006
jessica_dwg

Ok, what you’re going to need is napalm…
Barring that, yeah, you should probably call another chimney sweep.

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