what we pull to us

11 12 2006

over the past few years i’ve developed this truly bizarre & pretty disturbing tendency to see/think in the past tense about things that are not over yet, which, when it involves interpersonal relationships, because of the influence of will on interpretation & meaning, likely contributes significantly to the probability that it’s a “yet,” that they’re going to be over. the upside, of course, is when things do end that i’ve had mental practice for months already of doing without, that i’ve practiced mourning so often that the real thing seems a bit redundant when the time comes around, there seems a certain pragmatic sense to the whole thing. when it’s about the cat, though, who’s fading like a cut flower, it’s just sad.

additionally, or oppositionally, or likewise (it’s hard to tell, and to hell with richard anyway), this blue feather thing is getting pretty severely out of hand.

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5 responses

11 12 2006
west_wind

Just wanted to let you know that you and your precious kitty are in my thoughts. I’m aching for you both and am sending you (((hugs))). Love you.

11 12 2006
mb_1978

I really feel for you. I know how heart-wrenching that situation can be, and I’m sad that you have to feel that now. (((you))) Hugs from me too. It might get harder before it gets easier, but it always gets easier.

11 12 2006
_aurelius

pet the kitty for me =(

11 12 2006
cheshirrrecat

oh baby, thats just no good.
Love and Wellness and Peacefulness to you both. that cat has had one hell of a Happy life. not that it makes it easier, i Know.
we’ll have tea and hugs when you get down here.

11 12 2006
fenrigar

Threading forward
I often find my mind worrying over potential problems; sorting out the various outcomes and trying to feel some way through them. And when a particularly large divergence is looming, it’s hard not to be thinking your way forward. So when the time comes, you’ll probably have already come to rational terms with it.
But you’ll still wake up a bit later in the morning, wondering why the cat isn’t telling you how it’s starving and that you need to produce food immediately. And you’ll take couple of half steps towards the sun spot in the front room, thinking about lap time, before the rational side of your mind checks the emotions. And in that moment, you’ll miss the little furball all over again.
So go find the sun spot now, and give the cat a good scratch behind the ears, and rub under his chin until he stretches his neck out, closes his eyes and gently purrs. And then Look at him until he Knows…

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