january sixth, & close enough (summer, horseshoes, hand grenades)

6 01 2007

there’s one big cloud between the sun and i, alone in the bluest sky (and only for a moment); it’s in the 70s in VA, mom and i walked the 4-mile loop to the lake and back this morning and now i’m finishing up a little work out on the deck surrounded by a faerie-glade profusion of little wings–something couldn’t resist the lure of the weather and hatched, a whole bold cloud of celophane suncatchers soaring in tiny circles between the branches. we’re sipping mimosas, because there’s champagne left from new year’s eve, even though today it’s spring, or maybe summer.

mom’s already talking kittens; i’m still unswayed by her talk of cuteness, and still want my cat back way, way more than i want to try on tiny paws for size, but the one i still have left–“it’s just you & me, again, kid,” i told him, like it was when we packed this car and left this house the first time i left home for a job rather than a dorm committment–has his own health issues and won’t be with me forever, and he always has liked kittens, being the nurturing sort, so it’s open for consideration.

but, then, isn’t everything, really? well. i have a few absolutes. probably fewer than people think, & never the ones normal folks expect, but normalcy has always been so overrated.

it’s been a good break for sitting still in sunbeams–by the tree on chilly days (what few there were) and now in sun so bright (the cloud’s long gone) i can hardly see the screen, wind in the chimes, onion and butter scents through the kitchen screen while mom finishes frying up the brunch i got distracted helping chop up cheese & veggies for.

it’s also been a good break for the grrlzone; i spent kass’s last night drinking wine and pounding chicken and talking everything from politics to family dynamics to children’s literature with message_2love and courtney, and last night taking photographs that’ll never come out with an outdoor camera in a dim-lit room of poorly-emulated 20’s fashion while my girl and i took the world apart and started sorting its garbage into boxes, its gems in bins to hide for later; in between i toured the county with clk, computer-shopping and family-dinner-table conversating, and sat for a few hours in a starbucks visiting & learning vicariously about the joys of knitting with her & maureen y-nee-l, which also involved stopping by her house to chat with brent & be stunned by how agile and articulate margaret’s gotten, & i’ve spent a lot of hours online with my new best friend (that’s a category, not a superlative; i have about seven of them, if it comes to counting, but that’s an approximation because i don’t count, haven’t counted, won’t be counting) dissecting everything and learning a few lessons over again about the twin virtues of having faith in the things you know already and taking joy in finding yourself sharing smiles with someone who will tell you the same truths again, in words you would have used before she’s ever heard you use them.

i’ve got dinner plans on the horizon with kyneburh and with magnigar and his family, hanging-out-tomorrow plans with tparnell and jpenamelist, a few wishes of my initiation and/or other people’s yet to follow through committing to; between holidays i crashed a mclean reunion party with 2eclipse and her darling husband ross, & got to catch up with elise and chris, and crazy dana, & a few folks i hadn’t seen in years, got flirtatious ridiculousness from a stranger and a friendly, off-hand death-wish from chippie, & got to sit and chill and exchange hugs and smiles with walkinthewilds and jfranklin–i figure, hey, if too many people invite me to crash the party it’s no longer really crashing, so i had to bring some crashers of my own–and welcoming the new year with both the darlings on the phone & the fabulous participants in my own house party–reedrover, brcmapgirl, teky4lf, pictsy, gothling, & achaosofkittens among them but certainly not all of them–was truly excellent.

and i’m putting poems up again this year on sarenity–so far one’s absurd, two are somewhat morbid, one’s just mean, and the other two i like just fine–so there’s writing happening, which means i’m me amid whatever other crazy shit is going up or falling down… the sorrow’s rough. i hated doing what i had to do in saying goodbye to that precious, obnoxious little fluffball, and never really wanted to have to learn that i was strong enough, and am still finding things to regret (and likely will be for a while yet, if not ever), and hate each time i remember that i don’t have to worry about what she’s doing, what she’s eaten, what she’s ruined this time. i want my damn cat back, pain in the ass and all. but there’s an awful lot of downright gorgeous going on around here too, and i’ve got no time to waste forgetting to be grateful.




6 responses

6 01 2007

you were TOTALLY invited.
i miss you already. it was so good to see you. and i’m so glad you got a good impression of ross. he’s a good’un.
i think maybe i know how you feel about tiny paws…feeling like a betrayal or a replacement. but your other cat might be lonely…and whether or not you WANT another cat…it still might be good for you.

7 01 2007

mmm, eventually. hell, if i had little paws, just watch me resist them, likely. but i want a little time yet. i’m not so worried about betrayals or replacements, at least not consciously… but a kitten shouldn’t have to try to charm anybody, ever, and if i had one now he/she would have to try.

6 01 2007

those last few sentences kill me…=(

7 01 2007

How much longer are you in town? Any chance I can steal you off for dinner sometime this week?

7 01 2007

i *want* to!
but i’ve given away all the evenings i have left that i’m sure of (and i know you got a bid in first, but you also made it to the party, & the giving-away prioritized the folks i haven’t seen…) the real problem is that i have a friend who may or may not be coming in to town for a few days right before i leave, sight-seeing agenda in tow, so i can’t really make plans yet. if that falls through, i will call you, and we will do dinner. if i *don’t* make it out there, we should come up with an alternate chair-re-aquisition strategy for you, and then when i’m back come spring/summer/whatsit (which given this weather doesn’t seem far off at ALL) i will come hang out at the farm when there’s *daylight* to visit your critters by, and there will be much rejoicing. 🙂

7 01 2007

Well, for all that I would like to pout in disappointment at you, I can’t say that it’s not fair. I already got to see you and lots of other people didn’t and want to. So call me if you can, don’t if you can’t, and it’s all good regardless.
It would be nice to have you out when there is plenty of sunlight and baby goat cuteness to die for.
If you run into anyone local who might do a chair pass-off, you can always pass the grail to them and let me know who the lucky person is that I get to haunt. The chair isn’t that urgent, but I do use it for back support in the bleachers at CK’s hockey games.

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