advent this

16 12 2007

it’s still snowing, my wrists are killing me, the laundry refuses to fold itself, my head’s hurt since before breakfast, the piddy cat & i went to visit the vet last week (thanks, like everything else, to shawn’s assistance, as the car was to buried to dig out so he had to drive us), who said he’s definitely skinnier than he needs to be, and was dehydrated (she was appalled at me when i swore–with a witness!–that he has access to fresh water ALL THE TIME, he’s just too stubborn to drink it if it’s not running from the bathtub tap, and sometimes not even then), so she had them inject fluid under his skin (did you know cats can be self-contained IVs for themselves? it’s the coolest thing!) and put him on better flea medication & said she hoped what was wrong was that he was allergic to the fleas, but she wanted to run 100$ of blood tests anyway. then she called a few days later to say the tests were all fine except for one white-blood-cell-count thing that *could* be related to him having a heart problem (she heard a murmur) or could just be a by-product of the allergy, so i was supposed to weigh him again in 2 weeks & then go back if he’s not gaining weight. it hasn’t been 2 weeks yet–at 2 weeks i’ll be on the road headed to nova. but i can tell you already he’s not gaining weight. he doesn’t eat. he’ll lick three bits of kibble from my palm, lick my dinner plate, & consume two threads of cheese-shaving. all day. so it looks like we’re going back to the vet for what will probably be a really expensive test to diagnose a heart problem that will be really impossible to do anything about, esp. if it involves theoretically putting medicine in this cat (a Thing Which Does Not Happen). let me just tell you all how i feel about the potential of spending my second christmas break in a row in vets’ offices with seriously ill cats. and how i feel about the prospect of losing the only kitty i have left, who’s also been the only stable participant in my homelife for the last 10 years–really, the only consistent element in any set of more than 3 of them. so if you’re making that list of reasons i’m not exactly the most enthusiastic potential partier when y’all want to make plans these days… you can add the pitten. poor, sad, too too skinny, cold all the time, seizure-havin’ blinky pitten, who still purrs when i pet him, but it always sounds like it’s tired. i remember thinking, a year and a half ago, that i shouldn’t ever have gotten cats because i wasn’t going to be able to stand to lose even one ever, thinking it would be the worst thing in the world. and then i lost one, and it was, and then even worse things happened, and by now… by now it’s still as horrible as it ever was, but i have a better understanding of “horrible,” and i’m sure i can zombie through it if i have to. i don’t want to. i never, never, never want to. but in a sense, when we’re talking about waiting for things… he started having seizures when kassy started getting sick. i’ve been watching him, waiting for the day his brain just stopped, for a year already. i’m getting used to waiting for the things i love to disappear.

but.

the shoveling was kinda fun, & annabel invited us over for cocoa & baby-holding (which turned a little into baby-munching), & i did a few hours of tentative data-coding for the diss, or at least data-pre-coding and code-creation, and i did heaps of dishes and at least washed the laundry, so it’s not like i’m lying around bemoaning what’s there worth bemoaning. i just. you know. any day now, any little fog lift would be okay. mom wants to know what i want for christmas, but what i want is for nobody i love to be hurt or sick or fading, & there’s just no purchasing for that, no way to tuck it underneath a tree.

Advertisements

Actions

Information

6 responses

17 12 2007
mb_1978

My heart is with you and your sick kitty.

17 12 2007
mb_1978

My heart is with you and your sick kitty.

17 12 2007
west_wind

I’m so sorry sweetie. My neighbors had a sick kitty who hung in there for a long time. They would give him a tablespoon of canned pumpkin once a day. He licked it slowly, but he ate it all up. I wonder if that would help.
I’m thinking about you.

17 12 2007
west_wind

I’m so sorry sweetie. My neighbors had a sick kitty who hung in there for a long time. They would give him a tablespoon of canned pumpkin once a day. He licked it slowly, but he ate it all up. I wonder if that would help.
I’m thinking about you.

19 12 2007
appalachienne

There’s always my old standby: get so wasted you forget about it all. Then again, look where that got me…

19 12 2007
appalachienne

There’s always my old standby: get so wasted you forget about it all. Then again, look where that got me…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: