too much

4 04 2008

there’s always too much to say & no way to say it; too many things i can’t really explain because only parts of them are shareable, things i don’t know how to reflect on because i don’t understand them well enough for words, things that only make any sense in the context of other things, things that are on my mind because they’re important to the people i keep close to me but i can’t very well blog about them because they aren’t mine. it’s a busy head, this one, and, as i’ve been brusquely reminded on several occasions lately by several people whose opinions rather matter (one personally & one professionally), most of the time i’ve got not much to show for it.

so, instead, a list of stuff, which is exactly backwards from how my brain works–i don’t care what stuff looks like so long as i know what it means to you; consequences are next-to-nothing because intention is so very almost everything–but it’s what i can manage to make into print, and it’ll have to do.

i’m out of funding as of may the whatever-th, whenever the editing center decided we officially close down shop. school managed as much indulgence as they could, and now i’m on my own.

i’m a chapter shy of having a full draft of this disser-smashun, and i’ve promised the committee the rest by june, and so a full draft will be done by june.

i’m working my butt off editing, probably doing a lot more editing than i’m supposed to be doing because i don’t like telling people “no, i can’t help you with that project you absolutely need to finish in order the graduate.” because, the thing is, my stuff sucks sometimes. a lot of the time. the least i can do is draw a line of “suck stops here” and be helpful where & to whom i can so that there’s less of it going around.

i’ve polished up the CV and written up a resume and prettied up my linkedin profile and otherwise am doing the Things You Do when you’re going to need a job in not too long. may, in case you hadn’t noticed, is soon.

i’d really rather not have a FT 9-5 sort of local job, because that will make re-drafting difficult and also, at least if i acquire it soon, make things like roaming about in july, like i really hope i get to do this year, potentially impossible. i find impossibility attached to that to be a seriously distasteful proposition. maybe distasteful enough that i’d rather start a new career in “you want fries with that?” just so i can quit without feeling guilty.

i’m carrying around the classifieds and a b&n application, but it might still be too early to really implement either. mostly, i’m worrying formlessly and accruing knots in my shoulders.

in my (current aim-low) dream life, i make it to mid-july doing odd writing/editing-related jobs for various folks, get most of my diss writing finished, then assess whether i’ve made enough contacts that i can get by by keeping doing that plus working part time at the buns-n-noodle or wherever, or whether i’ve done enough diss that i can finish it if i pick up an FT thing for the year, etc. and then next year, with a finished dissertation, i’ll cave in & start acting like a grown up & get a real job. you know. one that uses my degree. or run off & seek an MFA instead, and put it off for another 2-3 years, sanctioned by the academic machine.

so. if you know anybody who would like to contract an editor for a long or short term project that can be conducted long distance through the web and/or the snail-post, hook me up.

my friend tammy has been transfered to a rehab center much closer to her family for what’s likely to be months of physical therapy before she gets to go back home. i promised to drive up sunday (it’s almost an hour and a half from here) and bring her dunkin donuts coffee. vanilla, extra vanilla, cream & sugar. i do what i can to help out.

i am missing battlestar. RIGHT NOW. because we do not have cable, and there’s just nothing to be done about that. in related news, i am also missing ima_spoony_bard, but he knows that already. the good news is the estimable matthew smith is taping it for me so that i can watch it monday with caleb.

i bought a computer. just now. shiny and new. it should ship next week. i was having deep anxiety about doing this, as it’s not well timed at all with impending unemployment, but the old one is inching towards dysfunction, and i can’t do my work or anybody else’s without one.

i have the most terrific father in the world. we’ve been playing phone-tag all week, trying to catch up; we finally found each other tonight, and he offered a handful of suggestions i hadn’t thought of for local employment options, told me he’d put the word out among his professional contacts to help hook me up with projects, and then added that he was paying for the computer & we were calling it a birthday present.

not only did he save me from computer angst, he managed to brilliantly preempt my anti-birthday campaign for the year; it’s only april. i hadn’t had a chance to get revved up. for future reference, at least where everybody else is concerned, really, i mean it, i quit. i’ve given up the birthday. i don’t want it anymore. but i’m not mentioning that to daddy; i’m sentimental and more than a bit scarred, but i’m not completely stupid.

i am going now to watch yesterday’s csi premier online so as to defray my battlestar envy in the only possible mostly-worthy replacement out there, having finished snazzing the resume, arranged the weekend’s editorial projects, sent the 4th chapter to my advisor, done 3 loads of laundry, met with two clients, and otherwise done e-nuff for one day.

also, i might need a cookie.

Advertisements

Actions

Information

12 responses

5 04 2008
faerieariel

keep an eye out for copywriter positions on monster and craigslist – I’ll bet you could name and describe a sweater pretty smashingly, or any winter-garb for that matter, look out J. Peterman!
In fact craigslist is great for all sorts of 1-off gigs that put money in the pocket.

5 04 2008
tyra

i actually have a gigantic lacunae of appropriate vocabulary when it comes to talking about clothes, make-up, and other issues related to style. it’s part of the i’m-not-a-real-girl theory. i had a friend who sold men’s suits, and he was always using all these clothes words and fit words and tailoring words and i never knew wtf he was on about, and he felt that injured his masculinity immensely. but i’m sure there are some things out there i can describe.
i’m pretty good at translating “geek” into “plain english.” 🙂

5 04 2008
tyra

i actually have a gigantic lacunae of appropriate vocabulary when it comes to talking about clothes, make-up, and other issues related to style. it’s part of the i’m-not-a-real-girl theory. i had a friend who sold men’s suits, and he was always using all these clothes words and fit words and tailoring words and i never knew wtf he was on about, and he felt that injured his masculinity immensely. but i’m sure there are some things out there i can describe.
i’m pretty good at translating “geek” into “plain english.” 🙂

5 04 2008
faerieariel

keep an eye out for copywriter positions on monster and craigslist – I’ll bet you could name and describe a sweater pretty smashingly, or any winter-garb for that matter, look out J. Peterman!
In fact craigslist is great for all sorts of 1-off gigs that put money in the pocket.

5 04 2008
pictsy

Keep your eye on writing gigs on Craisglist. You could probably look at any city and do it long-distance, but here’s New York.
http://newyork.craigslist.org/wrg/
Vince is booked for the Sterling Renaissance Festival for the first time this year, so I am planning on visiting at least once. It would be tragic if you were elsewhere!
I would really love to ditch the 9 to 5 myself and do some roaming, but damn the money’s good. 😡

5 04 2008
tyra

::makes notes of tips::
yeah, the kinda-nice thing about having not yet ever really left grad school (except for a stint as a teacher, which is about the same in terms of work-relative-to-compensation) is that i have no concept of “the money’s good,” so i can’t miss it. 🙂
but i’m not leaving. so you will just have to come hang out with me at sterling to make gooey eyes at vince. it will be lovely. i’m looking forward to it already!

5 04 2008
tyra

::makes notes of tips::
yeah, the kinda-nice thing about having not yet ever really left grad school (except for a stint as a teacher, which is about the same in terms of work-relative-to-compensation) is that i have no concept of “the money’s good,” so i can’t miss it. 🙂
but i’m not leaving. so you will just have to come hang out with me at sterling to make gooey eyes at vince. it will be lovely. i’m looking forward to it already!

5 04 2008
pictsy

Keep your eye on writing gigs on Craisglist. You could probably look at any city and do it long-distance, but here’s New York.
http://newyork.craigslist.org/wrg/
Vince is booked for the Sterling Renaissance Festival for the first time this year, so I am planning on visiting at least once. It would be tragic if you were elsewhere!
I would really love to ditch the 9 to 5 myself and do some roaming, but damn the money’s good. 😡

5 04 2008
Anonymous

There are some little shout-outs of happy in there, which makes me happy. You know you are more than welcome to chuck it all in and come and stay with me on my magical island paradise!
Also, I have to dispute the awarding of “world’s most terrific father” solely to yours, because I always thought mine got that prize. Can we possibly arrange a “co-most terrific father” award? Or maybe some sort of timeshare arrangement?
Claire

5 04 2008
Anonymous

mine never let his girlfriend total his land rover.

5 04 2008
jessica_dwg

::sends cookies::

5 04 2008
jessica_dwg

::sends cookies::

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: