1) for whining about school in my academic blog, which i DID against my better judgment because it’s as much a part of this academic experience as the rest of it, and seemed to imply polyanna-ing and incomplete portrayals if i didn’t, and which i then immediately started worrying about having done, but which i haven’t UNdone, because collin indicated (he insisted on fence-sitting on the issue, being mr. professor person in that context) that at least to some members of the blog community, changing or deleting entries was just plain unethical.
i think i disagree; it’s my space, and i can control what’s NOT displayed with just as much authority as what is. but i don’t want to go alienating a new community by flouting their ethics, at least not yet.
2) for knowing that bluemeg and cindrax were here & had a good time here, & trying really hard to spend time with them that was focused on them, but still feeling like i had my head buried in a book or a machine for so much of the weekend that i hardly saw either one of them.
that’s not true. we did do things together. i (okay, with a little oflauriegirl86‘s arm-twisting) took bluemeg ice-skating, we watched a lot of the world’s stupidest video game (ask cordell if you don’t believe me) with cindrax, and the boys went to one mall w/out us & another one with us, & we went out to kerryberry2004‘s ice-cream shop, although she wasn’t there to be impressed, & we trooped around campus & bluemeg and i did arts & crafts with anne & the 670 crew for a couple of hours, and there was lunch at the varsity & take-out dinners from alto cinqo by the fire, & bluemeg got up early to help me shovel yesterday, so she could participate in the true syracuse experience, and as a reward pdxstraycat made her biscuits…
it was a good visit. much fun was had by all. but i’m already trying to remember it, and remembering the words of watts’ six degrees marching by on the page instead, remembering glaring at the screen trying to blog about quantum physics, remembering answering rounds of anxious student e-mails & anxious-er departmental versions of the same…
i know it’s a pretty common malaise, that sense that you’re so busy orchestrating your own life that you don’t spend much time actually grounded in living it, but i’d think that people would have to have kids & more chaos, more demands than just this school thing to make that happen. no wonder i feel like a sandcastle w/a tidal wave coming–i keep saying i want & need to have all those other things too, and can barely keep my eyes open for the ones i have, and come dangerously close to totally missing the good stuff when it comes around.
thanks so very very much for coming, guys, and for dragging me out of the books whenever possible, and for not being angry when i couldn’t stay out for nearly so long as i’d have liked. summer. i swear. it’s different in the summer.
that rare, random descent 